Anxious Planners Gifts

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

Worry tank

Workaholic's Hoilday Appartment

Marriage least expected to last...

'I told you he's gonna be the next Warren Buffett!'

She never could tell when he was being sarcastic.

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

'What do you mean - you want a white wedding?'

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

Cat Day Planner.

'Before you begin, I'd like to thank you for coming in early to do this on such short notice.'

"Well let`s see. It's going to be tight but I could squeeze you in for a walk at 1 pm."

Marriage Ceremony

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

'Oops! Maybe I should've put this sign out a little earlier.'

'I'm fully organized. Now I can freak out in some kind of order!'

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

"Lookin' good...I haven't eaten in three months!"

"Planning a few changed for the new year?"

'Hey, honey, remember when I told you to expect a big surprise on our anniversary? Well, I snuck off to go hunting with Cliff - SURPRISE!'

'I've left him, Daddy - The pervert tried to book me into a hotel with him.'

'What do you mean, 'your bachelor party hasn't finished yet'?'

'Oh, so when you said wear a...Ok, now I get it.'

'She found him through an ad in one of those kinky papers.'

'The groom called to say he can't marry you today. He totally forgot he was in a pool tournament this weekend.'

"Happy New Year"

Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.

"No, Matt, it wouldn’t be ‘dope’ if you rapped your wedding vows!"

"Counsel for the groom, does your client, Dave, take Cindy to be his lawfully wedded wife? If so, please signify by saying 'he does'."

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"