Antique Aficionado Gifts

"With the doubloon, you've got the intrinsic value of the metal plus the numismatic considerations."

David Dickinson

'I believe it's a snuff box.'

Prince of Wales' Indulgence at Carlton House

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'Museums are a lot like flea markets...except nothing's for sale.'

"It's an antique stand. Do you use it for anything?" "Yes. Norman and I have sex on it every Thursday."

"And our charging station, also a period piece. . ."

look out it might be a fake

"Yes, we cater to a rather specialized clientele."

'Unfortunately, ma'am, it's not worth a thing! The recliner, however, is quite valuable!'

'Would you know how to repair this old book?'

As far as sanctions go I find making them watch back to back episodes of ' the Antiques Roadshow' works well...

'She thinks she's the cat's meow just because she was on the antiques roadshow!'

A lot of auctioneers

Antiques: Go for Baroque Sale!

"Of course, it's full of woodworm, we breed them..."

'I see you brought us some Chippendale.'

Second hand furniture.

Does it come with an anti virus package?

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

Antiques Roadshow - "When you hear the valuation.. "

"So what's new..?"

Spot the Difference: Junk and Antiques

'Things really change fast now. There's an original i-pad.'

Capt. Ahab's landlocked brother Morab, searching for the white elephant.

Bombe chests

"I'm not angry. I just want to know what you have against 17th-century Isfahan rugs."

'Excuse me young man, you are sleeping on a very rare collectible.'

'Don't touch those, you big handed pervert.'

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

"He's our back-up if our computers fail."

"Next time, finish your tea before turning over the cup to check-out the mark."

"I don't know what it is but it must be old. It was the only thing grandma didn't recognize."