Antics Aficionado T-Shirts

Boy with soccer spot patch on eye next to pirate.

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Second hand furniture.

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

Stephen Spender.

Gunter Grass

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Noel Coward.

My Literary Influences

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

Ironing Punctuation

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

Sherlock Holmes Museum: No Hounds.

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

'Stove Top Stuffing! My favourite!'

Library

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

Samuel Beckett

"Don Wood? I don't know any Don Wood!"