Anti-snob T-Shirts

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great wines for under $5.00 a bottle.'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"Everybody comfortable? Got what they want? Know their place?"

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

Sporting snobs talk about hunting on turnpike roads

Champagne at the hunt

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

'He's a very superior dog. Even his fleas have pedigrees!'

"I believe this is one of Rembrandt's earliest selfies."

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'New money or old money?'

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

'He's a mixed breed.'

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

"We spent the summer on the Côte de Jersey."

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

Fiction book sales.

" ..graduated with honours, great job, beautiful wife, great kids.. Sure we've all got a sad story to tell."