Snob Satirist T-Shirts

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

'He used to drive an SUV!'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Totalitarian Humour

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

Champagne at the hunt

What Could Go Wrong?

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"Listen, kid - in the real world, great power comes with no responsibility whatsoever."

'... and make it look like an accident.'

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"This must be the Campaign Trail."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

The Best Defense for Trump's Wall

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"