Snob Satirist Pillows

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

'He used to drive an SUV!'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Totalitarian Humour

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Champagne at the hunt

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Listen, kid - in the real world, great power comes with no responsibility whatsoever."

'Sire, the peasants say you're just using them.'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

'... and make it look like an accident.'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"I keep asking you for ideas, Hibblemeyer, and you keep drawing blanks."

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

"Hi! I haven't had a crap in months. Bon appetit!"

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'