Anti-meeting Advocate Gifts

'Here we have a timetable for setting a target for when we can confirm a target for getting rid of more targets.'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

Businessman wonders why he called a meeting.

Desperate employees escape through bosses high-rise window. 'Hurry! His meeting is almost over!'

'Is he expecting you?'

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."

'I don't want to ride you, Hawthorne, but I'd say you've got a serious attitude problem.'

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

'Of course it's lonely... you've fired everyone!'

"So, any other ideas as to how we can be more disruptive?"

"Who will admit to folding the printout into a paper airplane?"

'Hope I die before I'm reduced to advertising car insurance!'

"So what do you plan on accomplishing today?"

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

Sleeping - "Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

'Right, I've convened these meetings to explore some concerns about the number of meetings we've been having.'

"Terrible, I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried."

'Would you kindly not trumpet and simply say 'aye'?'

"Careful, he can smell your boredom."

The board meeting was quite dignified until somebody started a pie chart fight.

"If this guy doesn't wrap it up real soon, I'll reflect sunlight off my watch and set off the sprinklers."

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise in a car at a gym.