Anti-fairytale Reader Pillows

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

The tooth fairy.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

Three little pigs-mortgage.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

Sleeping Beauty.

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

Witches Checkout.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Ask A Silly Question.

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Tooth fairy pays with card

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'