Anti-fairytale Reader T-Shirts

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The tooth fairy.

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

Aladdin's Less Magic Carpet Ride.

'Hey, Baby! How would you like to kiss the frog formerly known as 'Prince'?'

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"Heart transplant surgery waiting room"

Three little pigs-mortgage.

"My God! There goes middle management."

Sleeping Beauty.

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

Witches Checkout.

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Ask A Silly Question.

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Tooth fairy pays with card

'...And the mama bear's porridge was frozen solid....'

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

Knight sees sign near castle: 'Prince's Parking, All Others Will Be Toad.'

'Of course I want a fairy tale wedding. What did you expect?'