Anti-digital Gifts

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

"Anywhere that doesn't have TVs, computers, radios, ipods, cellphones or video games."

'Print is Dead.'

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

The Ungooglable Man

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

Unsocial Media

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

A businessman suffering from data overload.

'Here's trouble, it's the militant wing of the Philatelic Society!'

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

Man in cell phone shop - 'Do you have a phone that just phones?'

"When your computer is locked up, lady, you should call your computer's customer service, not a locksmith!"

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary - Digitally Mixed - Any drink stirred without the use of a spoon, swizzle stick or any other tool/utensil.

Are you ever worried people will see all the stuff you put online? Not at all … because I don't put anything online. I'm not on Facebook, I'm not on Twitter, and I conduct all my business in person so they can be charmed by the twinkle in my mustache. You are looking at a man who's totally off the grid, little buddy. It's like talking to a Neanderthal. I also shave with a razor-sharp sliver of granite my grandfather bequeathed unto me.

"My life is one unending pop-up ad."

Ye Olde Book Shoppe

"Just sitting here waiting for Facebook to go away."

"What?"

Password Change Refuseniks

Computer Game Director.

Prisoner of technology.

"He loves reading, hates digital technology, and cares for the planet, so has decided to go paperless."

Peasant's emancipation.

'She is not Amish, we just wont buy her a cell phone.'

"Don't worry. As soon as Junior learns enough words, he'll tell you how to work it."

Mobile Bans

"I'm through with smart phones. My girlfriend broke up with me in a text, my teacher flunked me in an email, and my mom grounded me on Facebook."

"Join the 21st century, Dad...it's a laptop computer."

'I take it you're not an advocate of social networking whilst shopping.'