Anti-corporate Crusader Gifts

Ingrates

Independents blocking chain groceries.

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

"Everyone, please welcome our new VP of being promoted and paid lots more than you for no apparent reason!"

'There he goes, the bravest M&A knight that our kingdom has ever known.'

'Risky, but I like it!'

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

'This is the last time we post job openings,'

Production: Urgent, Rush, Super Rush.

'I have a typical nine to five job. It's enough work for nine people and I'm treated like a five year old.'

Twisted Peel works overtime.

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

He calls it 'delegating authority' I call it 'passing the buck'

The Tammany Ring Defeated- NY Mayor Oakey Hall as 'The Last Thorn of Summer'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'They never let you forget that your intellectual property belongs to them.'

Not The Real Me

Union organizer in a hostile workplace. . .

'I'm not out to save the world. I just want to leave it with a little more money than when I found it.'

"We appreciate the good job you're doing, but can you do it more thanklessly?"

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

"Lunchward ho!"

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

"Today's meeting is about meeting to plan a meeting to arrange a meeting about managing our meetings."

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

Suggestion box/Unreasonable Demands box

'Mommy, you'll never guess what. My hi-tech start-up just merged with a Fortune 500 company.'

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."

Colloso-Corp. Do you want our "generally accepted accounting practices" to show a profit or loss last quarter? (Published previously on Feb. 13, 2002.)

"I told them I was sick of working all hours...and that I intended to stick to my hours and get home to give my son a bath and bedtime book....unfortunately he'd turned into a 26 year old commodities broker while I was in meetings!"