Anti-cheating Advocate Gifts

Retirement became the obvious decision.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

The Anti-Agent

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"I just found a unicorn! Apparently, they just want to be left alone."

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Police Statetion

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Boy, being an endangered species is quite hard: I get weighed, tagged, filmed, recorded and studied by scientists: I have no privacy...'

The Best Defense

Privacy

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

CCTV in church.

'You may be the best man for the job, but I have a dozen women who are better qualified.'

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.