Anonymous Comment Analyzer Gifts

"Someone put something rude about me in the suggestion box. Our corporate forensic scientist is analyzing fingerprints, DNA and security video as we speak."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"Long time commenter, first time reader. . ."

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

The idea of democracy in some former East Bloc-countries...

"Research tells me they found your DNA in the suggestion box."

"I have a comment but nowhere to send it."

"I just feel fortunate to live in a world with so much disinformation at my fingertips."

My Life as a Troll

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

"What's that, Eddie? You want to give thumbs up and laugh emoji to my hot take on the news?"

Comments: The All-Comments Magazine

"There...my blog on lowriders is finally up. Cool! Someone uploaded a post!"

'Here's an interesting article about how people hide behind the screen to make comments, rather than meeting face to face to resolve important issues.'

"I only talk politics on the web, pal, and I don't use me real name."

"Your father spent all morning on Twitter and no one tried to cancel him."

Latest social media panic...

First Projected Loser in November.

"Why can't you just snipe at strangers through social media like other people?"