Anonymous Comment Analyzer Prints

"Someone put something rude about me in the suggestion box. Our corporate forensic scientist is analyzing fingerprints, DNA and security video as we speak."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

Egguy JUMP!! 62 Eggs like this. Gr'Egg LOL. M'Egg OMG so funny!!!!! 3.

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"Long time commenter, first time reader. . ."

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

"Hurry - get the family. I think he's about to communicate his final angry retweet."

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

The idea of democracy in some former East Bloc-countries...

"Research tells me they found your DNA in the suggestion box."

"I have a comment but nowhere to send it."

"My big fat ego has just discovered Twitter!"

"I just feel fortunate to live in a world with so much disinformation at my fingertips."

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

My Life as a Troll

Journalism

'Here's an interesting article about how people hide behind the screen to make comments, rather than meeting face to face to resolve important issues.'

Campaign Office. Help! I've fallen in the polls and I can't get up!

"I only talk politics on the web, pal, and I don't use me real name."

"Your father spent all morning on Twitter and no one tried to cancel him."

Latest social media panic...

Coffee, jerk! What's the matter? Sadie discovered flaming, i.e. hostile and insulting interaction among internet users. It's been incredible. Who can sleep when you've got endless opportunity to make people feel like crud about themselves?! I also need prescription drugs and steroids. Flaming out.

"What's that, Eddie? You want to give thumbs up and laugh emoji to my hot take on the news?"

"There...my blog on lowriders is finally up. Cool! Someone uploaded a post!"

This week on Youtube, I counted 150,360 comments beneath 178 "Star Trek: Discovery" reviews. That's amazing. Yeah. And 49% of those comments were people saying the show is unwatchable. 1% of the comments are people asking if the show's unwatchable, how come you've been commenting on every episode and you're still here at episode 11? 50% of the comments are praise for the show. 30% of that 50% of the comments is from people pointing out that they used to only be 40%. I'm not sure the math god san

Comments: The All-Comments Magazine

'I never realized how boring you were until I started following you on Twitter.'

First Projected Loser in November.