Annual Vet Checkup Pillows

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

"If it were painful, could I do this?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Flu vaccine.

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"So what brings you in today?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."