Regular Check-up Pillows

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Flu vaccine.

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"So what brings you in today?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."