Regular Check-up Pillows

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

Flu vaccine.

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Turn your head and laugh.

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"So what brings you in today?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."