Routine Health Checkup Pillows

"I'm diagnosing a conflict of interest . . . your body knows how old you are, but your mind refuses to believe it."

"How often do you hit the pound key?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

Turn your head and laugh.

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"So what brings you in today?"

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."