Check-up Reminder Pillows

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

'After two hours in your waiting room, of course my blood pressure is up!'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Flu vaccine.

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'