Check-up Reminder Prints

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

'After two hours in your waiting room, of course my blood pressure is up!'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Flu vaccine.

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Turn your head and laugh.

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."