Annual Town Event Gifts

Tombola Winner

A crowd of happy pet owners.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

AA Meeting Here Today

See you at the farmers market!

Church Basement Foodie

A man looks up at the earth

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Absent friends!'

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

'Oh, Christ.'

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

Anton's Bar and Grill

Maypole

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

The Last-Minute Halloween Costume Parade

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

'Since when does Shamrocks give you an itchy rash?'

"It's their big annual event—the Run for the Roses."

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

"Hello. . . I'm new in town. Do you know where the local police station is? - I need to sign in. . !"

Ventriloquist's fete

"Can we discuss this?"

'My competitor down the street sasses his parents.'

Time for tea

I swear that boy has grown another foot since the last time I saw him.

The Annual Gathering of the Chameleons

"It's been a rainy winter."

'They're our neighbours. We invited them on the off chance they may turn out to be post-modern.'