Annual Stockholders' Meeting Gifts

You wouldn't need to do much. Just show up at the occasional Stockholders Meeting.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

'I'm looking for something to impress the shareholders.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Which way up do you want it?"

People who work-from-home, annual get together.

"For an up to date picture, I suggest we reconvene under the table."

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"And so as a hedge against this trend, the directors have decided to invest heavily in red ink."

"We apparently exceeded our expectations but, do any of you remember what they were?"

". . . and in the immortal words of the man on our nameplate, 'In this world, nothing is certain but death.'"

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

"Our profits have been out-sourced ."

Shareholder's Meetings

"Remember you have nothing to fear but fear itself, and me of course!"

Businessman's schedule full of confrontations.

'No wonder we're losing money! --This organizational chart is upside down!'

'Let's not look at it as failure. lets look at it as a chance to do better.'

'Hold on ? I have a followup question for you to evade.'