Anniversary Of Arab Spring Gifts

The Arab Spring

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Saved...life is good!

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Rent-a-car! We pick you up

The Monroe Doctrine

Sermon Applause.

Sumo Love.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Hey...Didn't we build that?"

...As we know, Jesus was a carpenter... but I don't think he actually sang on any of their records..."

Authorization for the Use of Farce

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"Sword drills just aren't the same since Bible apps."

"I rescued him from a tree four years ago — still remembers me."

Proxy War Redux

'Oh! She's such a pretty ba-a-by!! Yes, she is! A Pretty, pretty ba-a-a-b!...'