Animated Tv Critic Gifts

"He's jumping up and down and swearing at the TV! Let's not go in, his team must be losing..."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Honest Vending

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Christmas TV...

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Occupy Budget Balancing

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Polar bears

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

How Trickle Down Economics Work

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."