Animated Joke Enthusiasts Gifts

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

Pastor of Muppets

"The good news is, the side effects of your nut allergy aren't really dangerous."

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'My grades don't look good right now, but I can fix that in Photoshop.'

"So how many penguins does it take to change the northern lights?"

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

"This is a winter you'll be able to tell your grandchildren about …. The winter the fed decided to tinker with interest rates."

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

"Hello? Beasts of the Field? This is Lou, over in Birds of the Air. Anything funny going on at your end?"

"I find things go around in cycles."

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

'Do you drink?'

"Here's your trouble. The cartoonist can't render a proper red tee fitting."

'Call me 'dear' one more time and I'm yanking those antlers out by the roots'

Caution! School Crossing.

"When I asked you of you were ready for this promotion, you flailed uncontrollably. Was that a lie?"

"Oh you had to cross the cattle grid, didn't you?!"

"You come from a long line of stay-at-home dads: What makes you think you have what it takes to branch out?"

Why bread shrieks

'Yeah, hi, Bob...when you asked me to pop in and feet Spot, I was kind of under the impression he was a dog!'

Yes, Ralph, you blew the interview because there was something between your teeth...your foot!

How to have long, luscious hair in two easy steps 1) Have short, luscious hair. 2) Don't cut it.

'Come in - sit anywhere - sorry about the mess.'

"Hey lad, when I was your age I was so much older than you."