Animated Critic Pillows

'We're gonna need more lipstick.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Cariactures

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Honest Vending

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

Polar bears

Occupy Budget Balancing

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"I could do that."

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

Real coffee vs usual vending machine stuff

"I think the banana looks like a mustache, or a weird smile or something. How about an apple? ... Just a suggestion."

Good News

Lane restricted to cars with three or more persons at least one of whom is a woman or visible minority.

Leftie Trump

Middle East Arms Deal

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

"Apparently my writing is so bad I've been rejected by a gene editor. She said she could see the lack of talent in my DNA."

"Well - and I'm not just saying this because you're my husband - it stinks."

"His painting is actually better than it looks..."

'I AM a three-toed sloth, but cartoonists always draw us with two toes.'

"I call it 'You kids turn down that so-called music. I can't even hear myself scream.'"

Pastor of Muppets

P.O.W. !! to US credibility.

You're either a perfectly healthy wolverine, or a very sick man.

Colonel George Hanger atop his Steed

'Safety Net.'

'It's the new directive from Brussels. We're to steal from everybody and give directly to the banks.'

"The new tax software is a real eye opener. Every misguided, impulsive purchase I made for the business last year really pops and sizzles in a visual data format!"

Tree sturgeon: fish on tree limb.

Non-working dog, please help