Animal Performance Gifts

Magicians monkey.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

"It get it – you're hungry."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Snowprov

Romantic Giraffes

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."