Animal Performance Gifts

Magicians monkey.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Why do they do that?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

'They all want to play the star.'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It get it – you're hungry."

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Snowprov

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

Romantic Giraffes

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."