Animal Lover (for A Pet-owning Friend) Gifts

Dog Owner

Bitchbark Canoe

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

A large leaf falling on a dog

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

'Super Dog'

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

"This never happened."

Canine Scentipede

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Christmas Pets

'They're dog roses!'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"Your love gives me strength."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'Out, damned Spot.'

PET THEORIES

A dog postal worker delivers through a letterbox in a doggy door.

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Pet Entertainers

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

Chasebook

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"Humans are strange."