Animal Lover (for A Pet-owning Friend) Gifts

Dog Owner

Bitchbark Canoe

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

A large leaf falling on a dog

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'Super Dog'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"And for lot 27 we have another old tennis ball."

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Canine Scentipede

"This never happened."

Christmas Pets

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

'They're dog roses!'

'She still won't accept that she's the cat, and not the meow.'

"Your love gives me strength."

'Out, damned Spot.'

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

PET THEORIES

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

A dog postal worker delivers through a letterbox in a doggy door.

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

Pet Entertainers

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Chasebook

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."