Animal Lawyer Drama Fanatic Gifts

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Another slander suit!"

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories.

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you expect me to concentrate when you're reading me my rights?'