Animal Intelligence Enthusiast Gifts

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

"I wonder if they have any real intelligence!"

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Are there treats? Just grab the treats and get outta there!"

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

Dog phrenology

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

"He may be neutered and declawed, but he's still dangerous."

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

Cat does not want to chase the stick.

Cat going to litter box with newspaper to read.

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

"So we're agreed—free will exists, unless there are treats."

"Wait ... now I forgot what I was going to bark at you for."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

'The cow mooed, the pig oinked, the chicken clucked, I baaed and then we adjourned.'

"I bark and I bark and I bark, and yet, somehow, I'm still unhappy."

'Interesting. . . 'While dogs respond to dog whistles, wolverines respond only to cash and traveler's checks.''

"Now, the last one was not a "mating call", but a "mates call". I agree that they are very similar, but it's important not to mix them up..."

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

'I signed him up in obedience school, but all he did was play hooky.'

"I detect cancer in humans." "I assist the blind with daily tasks." "I crap in the kitchen! I crap in the kitchen!"

"Tonight... Hemingway."

'We don't devour, Mirabelle: we empower.'

"Obviously somebody contaminated the sample, Kevin."