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'This time, Dr. Houston, I'm going to watch real close...

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"You say you're flossing, but I'm scraping off a lot of tennis ball fuzz."

"Yes, you were in a breech position, and it was the first time I was really pleased to see the vet..."

"It's mouseborn."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'I don't think the Doctor will be able to see any more patients today!'

'Tootsie-pie is going to be spaded, just like Mother.'

'Have you put her on the strict diet I prescribed?'

'I had my vet put down. He was over 23!'

"...and the cast should come off in four to six weeks."

"I got horse dewormer..."

'He says not to panic because horses have lots of blood,...

'Say, Doc, I'll need more of that steroid stuff for old King. He's still kind of peaked. Must need some heavy doses."

"It hurts when I warble."

'Under the circumstances, I feel that it would be best if you had another doctor!'

"First they tell you you're going in to get your bunions fixed and the next thing you know you're barking like a girl."

'I'm putting Babs on a diet. She's more paunch than pooch.'

Animal Band radio.

'He doesn't want to get fixed until you do.'

"It was worth it to get rid of the fleas!"

"Leave the bowl."

'Let's see...fever, rhinorrhea, chorea...Aha! canine distemper!'

'This, Sir, is what we call a Sertoli-cell tumor....'

'That's ridiculous! Who ever heard of a dog with hives?'

'You think you need WHAT glands expressed?'

'Today, students, we will discuss lameness in fish.'

Welcome to the Society of Veterinarians Who Have Spayed Tomcats!'