Animal Harmony Seekers T-Shirts

'...And this is no man's land!'

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"Any chance of upping the affection quota, given the current situation?"

'Davinia! Your Feng Shui person's here.'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

Nuclear Proliferation

Dog says hi to a cat.

Separation Anxiety

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

A woman's work is never done!

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Bird plucking a cello

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

Magic Carpet Cleaning

Looks like I do dishes again.

Sharing the load.

Blanket Pull

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

"Roommates"

"You both agreeing to mediation is a good start. So, your master, Rex, and your mistress, Felix, have decided to get married."

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

"I apologize for the mess."

"You go right on snoring, doesn’t bother me one bit. Your snores are beautiful, do you know that? I love snoring…not like some people."

Theirs and Theirs

'Wait, put that back where it was. Let's see how the scratching post looks in this corner.'

My mum is very houseproud.

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."