Angry Author Gifts

"I've learned to express my anger through my writing instead."

Fear of news.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"After 10 broken keyboards, I finally bought him one that's designed for someone who bangs on it when they're mad."

'I think the global banking sector, drunk on years of excessive bonuses, may need a little more than your 'very angry' T-shirt to make them toe the line.'

"Why am I irate? A: You turn my eggs into omelets each morning. B: Not once have you offered me even a nibble."

"You tend to overuse the exclamation point."

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

"My parents are nice, school's going well, and I'm basically a good kid. Unfortunately, there's no money or fame in being normal."

"Soon to be a motion picture."

"Sit in the car. The doctor will be with you shortly to treat your road rage."

"Just get out there and be yourself – or better yet, someone like me."

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

'She will not call on me, she will not call on me, she. . .'

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

"That laptop was expensive as hell but publishers are still rejecting my stories! I want my money back!"

Philosoraptors

Idlewild.

'Well, Carrie, it's great that you were able to express some of those repressed emotions!'

"'Baldo, why did you do this?'...'Baldo why did you do that?' The trouble with being a teenager is that nobody understands me! And that includes me."

Mad or Noamd.

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

"The virus can live on cardboard! Plus, I miss fishing."

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

'If you want to yell at our service agent because you're a frustrated psycho who has no say at home or work, and want to take it out on others, press 1.'

Yes, the world would be a different place if I hadn't taken that wrath management class.

"Effing self-publishing rejection!"

"Without commercial interruptions during the news, he'd exist in a state of perpetual outrage."

'I don't want to be a doctor! I'm liable to be sued for malpractice!'

How to spot the early signs of Book Fair meeting meltdown.

"Anger management classes have gotten me through the whole red thing."

"Hypochondria isn't normal, so I'm still sick... right?"

Based On A True Story