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"This is neither Heaven nor Hell. It's the private sector."

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

Mr. and Mrs. Angel

'I store all my data in the cloud.'

"It's your final warning...Quit playing the 'Beverly Hillbillies' theme song"

An amplified harp

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

"So much for eternal rest."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Late Night TV

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

Showering angel has water bouncing off her halo.

"You received your rewards on earth."

"Look, I know you think you've got the stuff, but I'm telling you: walk God."

"I couldn't take it with me, so I came back."

"Wait, there you are. I was spelling it wrong."