Ancient Appreciator Pillows

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

"I don’t know what your invention’s called, but it’s really irritating."

Archimedes statue with a lever

Long before the GPS, traveling humans found their way around by using an Atlas.

Hadrian's Wall

'O mighty gods! - May you grant us food, clothing, and shelter, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

Pandora's Change Purse...

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Cavemen Exhibit

"Oog creates fire and all you can come up with is that silly round thing!"

An Ant's nest in the form of a Pyramid

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

"Your antique gold watch didn't float."

Museum.

"Maybe it needs a caption."

"Frankly, I don't like the way things are going."

"I'm just posting something to my wall."

Scary things in the museum

"Look what I found. You wouldn't believe the things that people throw out."

'It's taken me time to adjust to the different management style here.'

Archeology Dept. Storage. Ernie, this box should be labeled "unidentified pottery fragments," not "pots unknown."

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

'It's hard to look intimidating with this feather thing going on.'

'I suppose that nowadays anything can be considered art.'

"Careful now. It's fragile."

Keister Island

Archaeologist blows his nose on a mummy's bandage.

Painting the Sistine Chapel. 1508. 1509. 1510. 1511. 1512. It looks great, Michelangelo, but there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't you just paint it in the regular way and then mount it on the ceiling?

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

Hi. How's it goin'? Good, you? 'Sup. Hey. Hello. The Primordial Schmooze.

"I may not have invented the wheel or discovered fire, but I am the first to comment visually on their impact on our lives."

'No, sorry. You've reached Dragons. Payroll is on extension 4702. Shall I put you through?'

"I don't know who on Facebook told you, but I can assure you Stradivarius didn't make accordions!"

British Museum: "There's nowt British in there!"