Anchor Pillows

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

"I don't think you can blame the Bank for an individual failing to follow procedures...I mean we have told people on several occassions not to empty the vault and take all the money home."

"It appears we're having technical problems getting our roving reporter's update from the war torn republic."

Fiona Bruce

"Like it? It's a Morley Safer."

This just in

MSNB Seeya

'Other bad news' department.

'...and now for the news. The names have been changed to protect us from lawsuits.'

Faith Intact

Shepherd and eurydice

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Bond James, Bond."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Showbiz Awards

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

The fate of the emigrant

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.