Ancestral Laughs Pillows

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Use your inside scream."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"When do I get my phone call"

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

"It's weeder's elbow."

Pharaoh on the toilet.

'To be honest, I'm having trouble keeping up with all this new technology.'

They're short of staff!

'I don't know. I woke up with it after preaching last weeks sermon...'

"Don't bother wasting your money on DNA testing. The results all come back, 'Ape.'"

'I did our branch of the family tree. Turns out we're birch and northern pine.'

'It's half past November, young man! Get back into your room and hibernate!'

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

"Actually he's not begging."

"And Dave, you receive Mildred's visual basic control collection."

'Wait -- what if the Canaanites want to convert?'

'I don't see why you can't spray your territory the same way your father did and his father before him did.'

'I'm happy for eternity, but I still miss happy hour.'

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

"I won't do full frontals. I have my career to think of!"

CATS BEHAVING BADLY - cats are watching this tv programme on a badly-scratched sofa

'...your father has also bequeathed your Grandfather;s place on the allotment waiting list to you, as he hoped that one day a family member may get allocated a plot'

'Weren't you our newspaper carrier years ago?'

Krog almost invents fire.