Ancestral Adventurer Gifts

Rodneys family tree was a lot shorter than most.

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

Astral Projection

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

You had me at vintage.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Hey, would you mind taking a quick sculpture of me and my family?"

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Show off."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

'I'm not sure my heart could take the excitement.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"Looting and plundering! Looting and plundering! There must be more to life!...."

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"You've reached the consciousness-raising call center. For the meaning of life, press 1. For the secret to happiness, press 2. For the joke of the day, press 3."

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'