Amused By Irony Pillows

Bucket List: I wish people would stop using me as an ashtray!

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

End the Winter Blues

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Oedipus

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'