Those Appreciating Irony Pillows

Hey! I just figured out what I want to do with my life!

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

End the Winter Blues

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

Peace bomb.

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

You're Out Of Order

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."