Americana Connoisseur Gifts

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

'If he's only five years old, how come he knows the words to 'See the USA in your Chevrolet'?'

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

"Herb's from Texas."

S**t Threw a Goose

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

"Let's just take one pass at it all in caps, see how it feels."

A Woman's Conquests.

Theatrical Christmas.

Ronald Reagan

Lady Liberty Cools Off

'What d'you mean - you've changed your minds?'

Early American Think Tank.

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"It's not just a special advertising section,- it's a very special advertising section."

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Grant Wood didn't like the original composition for his 'American Gothic' painting.

"L'adoration des comiques."

Nostalgiaville

"Somewhere in France Balzac, the parrot, cries Yves Saint Laurent, Yves Saint Laurent, every time the doorbell rings."

Cut out and keep your own Carol Singer.

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

World's oldest activist: 'YANKEE GO HOME, since 1919'

Me, Myself & I

'The honourable judge Cooter Baisden now presiding.'

"Scientists have now concluded that despite Woody Guthrie's best efforts, 'This Land' was, in fact, not made for you and me."

Turkey joins in at the first thanksgiving.