American Dream Humorist T-Shirts

'As Americans, we have it made ... in China.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

The Idea of America.

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

DACA

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

Designer

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"This is not the sort of America I envisioned, Tom-an America in which the middle class has to use public transportation."

Man trying to get to sleep by counting cloned sheep.

That comes with a side? Okay, I'll have the freedom fries... No scratch that. Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled mashed potatoes.

Barack Obama.

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

Sunny desert island next to rainy desert islands.

"Look Papa! What's that?"

"He's chasing his dreams."