Amenity Aficionado Pillows

"If you wouldn't book hotels with such great amenities, I wouldn't miss so many seminars."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

'He lives for his holidays.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"I can remember when having a '212' phone number still meant something in this world."

Cat medal presentations take a long time

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

"They tell me you're a man who has True Magritte."

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Narcissist in the tunnel of love.

Man and woman on donkeys at the beach

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

'The only game my Dad knows is playing possum.'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"It's finally happened - Tom Hanks was in every movie this year."

The Surly Yoof

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

How the bones got into the Le Brea Tar Pits

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

'She'll be back!!!'

Julianne Moore,

"Read me back the minutes from the last dip."

Alan Carr

Peace and Justice Return to the Joint High Commission

Noel Coward

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

Someone has had a hard day!

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

"It may well be the root of all evil, but it's also the root of all this."