Amateur Puppeteer Gifts

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

A Puppet Named Juan

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

Leslie Caron.

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

'He does.'

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

I'm looking forward tot he day we can afford some real statues for this place.

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

"I believe we have a quorum for the meeting."

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

Octopus Puppet Show (colour)

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

Finger puppets in church.

Ventriloquist Grave

"I don't know, do you think we evolved from the sock monkey?"

'Just reading the minutes back will be sufficient.'

'And to think I was worried it'd be lonely at the top!'

And now, for a rebuttal.

"I've called you here to discuss some issues because this big sissy didn't have the guts."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

Ventriloquist Audition

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

'David, can't you speak for yourself?'

"She said don't forget the straw."

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

'I know, but he's a genius.'