Amateur Psychic Pillows

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Self help acupuncture

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"I'm watching the dog cheat at solitaire."

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

'Quit clowning about, Fred.'

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

Psychic diving competition.

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Big Medium

Canoeing Incorrectly

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

"You like people and people respond to that."

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."