Amateur Psychic T-Shirts

'Fortunes, Impressions, Hunches, Wild Guesses'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Self help acupuncture

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"I'm watching the dog cheat at solitaire."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

'Quit clowning about, Fred.'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

Psychic diving competition.

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"No, first you have to evolve into a man, then you can have a man-cave."

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Big Medium

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"So which bit do you think was 'nature' and which 'nurture'?"

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

Canoeing Incorrectly

"You like people and people respond to that."

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."