Amateur Park Ranger T-Shirts

"Damn it! If it's not the squirrels getting into the bird feeder, it's old man Walters!"

Bitchbark Canoe

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

Piracy on a boating lake

How about going easy on the carbs

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

"This is so fun - I've been wagging my tail so much my cheeks hurt!"

"I do miss trees but I don't miss the raking."

"Let's hear some of that scout master wisdom now, sir!"

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Dog tries to obey No Dog sign

Garden pond: mosquito breeding ground

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

'Hey, want to go to the beach ...I mean ...the birdbath?'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

Hiking sign - Stop, pause, play, skip forward, skip back

"Nice try, but I know a squirrel in a bird suit when I see one."

Even for a mountain goat he's good.

The Canoga Forest - coming soon: The Conoga Desert.

'We're a protected species and an endangered speices, but when I see a person, I don't know if he's protecting us or endangering us.'

"Are we done yet? ... Because I'm turning around now."

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

Danger Falling Leaves

Malfunctioning geyser

"Ma'am! Stop spoiling the birds!"

'Break glass in case of tangled antlers.'