Amateur Logician Gifts

"Sudoku for Dummies"

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

A Major Refresher Course is in Order.

"If you'd like to take a seat."

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

Annual Mensa Convention: 'Ok, who's the genius who forgot to send out the invitations?'

Professor of Fuzzy Logic.

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

With Aristotle, it's either true or false -- He hates it when you say "whatever."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

"Actually, that old axiom was based on faulty mathematics! I discovered that when you correct this ration, two wrongs DO make a right!"

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

Your logic is flaccid and your data suppositional, dawg!

"Leibniz, Boole and Gödel worked with logic. I work with logic. I am Leibniz, Boole and Gödel."

"No, first you have to evolve into a man, then you can have a man-cave."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"The thing with Sudoku is I can never find the right words to fit."

John von Neumann, after completing his book. 'Theory of Self-Replicating Automata'.

Gracie tries to invent a shrinking spray and squirts Baldo with it.

House of Wishful Thinking

Flowcharts.

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'

"She was lying when she said she said she was telling the truth... but she was telling the truth when she said she was lying."

I think I have a 45-45 chance of passing my math class.'

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

"If I had three wishes, my last wish would be to only have two wishes."

Occasionally, when logic and rational inferences based on experience were not enough, Plato and Aristotle would resort to settling their discourse by other means.

"I heard they make glass from sand but I have no idea where to begin."

'Do you have any preexisting conditions, like sloth, gluttony, pride, lust...'

Ludwig Wittgenstein

'Why not put it in position first then fill it with water?'

"He finds coping with the doorstep rejection quite hard."

"'I sent this to you through the mail to say I hope your day is swell.' What's wrong with that?"