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The Street Kid at Christmas.

"I'm a do-gooder, Maggie. It's not easy."

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

Alms Bank

She's good, but Mom's better.

Seals on Wheels

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

Vampire Blood Donor - I've never done this before.

"Okay, we've donated to the Food Bank, Feed the Hungry, Food for Life, Hunger Helpers, Starving World, Second Helpings. . . is anyone else getting hungry?"

'What is it about 'Please, Dad, I beg of you' that you don't understand? FYI, my best friend Amanda's dad didn't chicken out.'

Help - "What's in it for me?"

"Young man, you're the only one who bothered to stop!"

Ted Kennedy.

"I find it difficult to like him. He's too good at being humble."

The Little Engine That Understood

A cavalier gentleman.

"Rich guys are ruthless. They give no quarter."

Santa Claus donates blood.

"We feel your pain".

Water carriers/bearers.

Bums Without Borders

"We steal gold from the rich and sell it to a metals broker. They make a prfit on their buy and sell spread and share a portion of that with us. Then, after the skimming and the rebates, we give to the poor."

"You do pro bono work, I work for a non-profit, we both do volunteer work... that's why we need food stamps."

'I've changed my mind, I'm using all mine!'

'Public spirited mathematician comes to work every weekend to do some pro bono equations'

"It says here that you gave a lot of money to both parties and neither expected nor received anything in return. Very nice, but we'll have to put you in the crazy section."

If golfers were honest with themselves.

'You and whose army?'

Yachting.

"I've donated blood fourteen times. . .!"

'It's good that you enjoy volunteerism. This job pays just about nothing.'

"When I win the lottery, I'll be an agent of goodness...giving every last penny to needy children, the homeless, and the sick and destitute of the world."