Alternative Medicine Appreciator Gifts

Alternative Medicine.

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

New Age Store.

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Take two of these, and call me in the morning!'

Man to other coming out of Alternative Health Club: 'I had total joint replacement - they switched me from hemp to medical marijuana.'

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'I can't wait for a generic version of eyes of newts to come out.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"My joints... are almost done"

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

An unlicensed acupuncturist

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

'We can do extensive blood work, take x-rays, check your prostate. . .or I could sell you some great weed for $50.'

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"It's just that you might find food a lot cheaper!"

"The doctor says your injury is not serious...we're going home."

'And just where did you study medicine?'

"I thought you said you were dating a rich doctor!"

"This is just a placebo cast, but it makes a lot of people feel better."