Alternative Birthing Methods Pillows

"...We said a natural birth, not a naturist birth!"

Cry babies.

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

Baby Hairstyles.

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Which one is yours?"

Uterus: One size fits all.

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Which one's yours?"

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Open other end

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

In the club.

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."